The Chelsea Standard
A Heritage Newspaper
Weekly Publication
Stalking: Living in fear
'Nothing romantic about being stalked'
By Sandi Kasha, Heritage Newspapers
PUBLISHED: January 25, 2007
Barbara Niess knows what it's like for someone to feel helpless and in need of a safe place to stay.
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As executive director of Ann Arbor's SafeHouse Center, Niess meets countless men and women who seek solace from domestic violence and other types of domestic trouble.
One issue that compromises a person's safety is stalking. And with January proclaimed by Gov. Jennifer Granholm as Stalking Awareness Month for the state of Michigan, Niess hopes the public will educate itself about the dangers of stalking.
"Stalking is something that needs to be taken seriously," she said. "Our society seems to make it OK with the media glamorizing the act."
Niess was particularly disturbed with a TV show in which a victim started to date her stalker because she was flattered by his attention. In reality, stalking isn't flattering to the stalker or victim, she said.
Stalking became a crime in Michigan in 1993. It's legally defined by the state as "a willful course of conduct involving repeated or continuing harassment of another individual that would cause a reasonable person to feel terrorized, frightened, intimidated, threatened and harassed."
According to the Michigan State Police, there were roughly 27,000 reported incidents of stalking in the state in 2005.
"There's nothing romantic about being stalked," Niess said. "I remember being in high school and many girls thinking it was cool for their boyfriends to be jealous and call them incessantly. It's not normal, it's not romantic, it's not considerate and it's not OK."
Self Protection
An estimated 76 percent of women who were murdered and 85 percent of those attacked were stalked the year before the crime, according to the Michigan Department of Human Services.
"It's a crime that's very dangerous and risky," said Joyce Wright, a training coordinator for the Michigan Domestic Violence Prevention and Treatment Board.
Wright said the experience of being stalked can be traumatic for the victim.
"The victim has to have a huge lifestyle adjustment by changing their schedule, driving routes and so forth," she said. "People are oftentimes harassed by the stalker with countless phone calls, unwanted gifts and letters.
"Then it may all escalate into threatening messages and it could escalate into death."
There are measures people can take to protect themselves, Wright said.
"Notifying the police and getting a restraining order is the first step," she said. "It can be hard for a victim to open up and talk about their stalker since they just want to put the terrible ordeal behind them."
But there are outlets other than the courts where victims can turn to for help.
"Along with reporting the incidents to law enforcement, victims also can contact their local domestic or sexual violence program for advocacy, counseling and, if necessary, shelter services," said Marianne Udow, director of the Department of Human Services.
For decades, SafeHouse has been a place for victims in Washtenaw County to turn to in time of need.
"We provide a safe haven for those who come through our doors," Neiss said. "It's a shelter for those who desperately need it. Sometimes victims can't talk to the police and we're here to help them take the next step and get acquainted with the law."
Niess said victims can seek shelter at SafeHouse for 35 days or more.
"It depends on their circumstance and we are willing to have them stay longer," she said. "Their safety is our top priority."
Being Stalked
Stalking is not something that's welcomed or asked for, said David Garvin, a social worker for Ann Arbor's Catholic Social Services.
"The victim isn't in control of the situation," he said. "It's a devastating crime that forces the victim to drastically change his or her lifestyle in order to be safe.
"Stalking doesn't happen overnight and doesn't consist of a single incident, it's a continuous process."
Wright said that it's difficult for many victims to discuss their stalking ordeal.
"They've been put through the emotional wringer and want to put it behind them," she said. "Talking about it doesn't make it any better."
Niess agrees.
"Stalking is like assault, but more of a mental assault," she said. "The stalker is running the show and the victim is helpless in trying to control the situation."
Niess said that the stalking cases she's come across usually deal with intimate relationships gone wrong.
"The scenario is a person ends a relationship and that person they dumped won't go away and accept that the relationship is over," Niess said. "Or many times the victim thinks they have the situation under control and don't take it seriously until it escalates into something serious."
Niess believes that most women have a lower expectation for safety than men.
"When you think something's not right, it probably isn't," Niess said. "Women usually underestimate their gut."
Stalker Profile
Garvin said that there isn't a particular psychological profile for a stalker and that it's hard to pinpoint the psychological makeup of a stalker.
"Stalkers vary and the reasons they stalk someone vary," he said. "Most stalkers see their victims as theirs to control. They believe they are entitled and they belong to them. Stalkers don't feel like they're doing anything wrong."
Garvin, who's been working with perpetrators of domestic violence for 21 years, said stalkers are usually known to their victims.
"And not all stalking is defined by incessant behavior like calling too much," he said.
Some stalking can be so subtle that the victim may not be aware that somebody is watching.
"Victims should know that there is an outlet for them and that they can be safe," Niess said. "There are options and nobody should be a victim."
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